Compassion

It has always been difficult for me to show emotion. It is even more difficult for me to have other people show their emotions to me. I have always avoided addressing emotional situations. I don't often say, "I'm sorry for your loss," for fear of inducing tears. I don't prod people or ask questions that might evoke an emotional response. When someone reaches out to me about something that is really upsetting to them I tend to turn away. It is not because I'm a cold hearted person...I'm anything but! I just don't know how to deal with it. It makes me uncomfortable which makes me feel like I can't control the situation. I like to be in control! I think a lot of people feel this way. 

I still feel these feelings. I can still be perceived as emotionally distant. I have found, though, after going through something so traumatic, so horrific, so tragic, so heartbreaking, that it is ok to talk about it. More importantly I have found the courage to talk to others about their losses. 

There are some topics that most people avoid, like miscarriage, still birth, death in general. No one knows what to say and so they say nothing. One thing I've learned from the death of my daughter is that staying silent and pretending it didn't happen makes the hurt person feel even worse. There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better but a simple, "I'm thinking about you," or "how are you really doing?" Or "I'm sorry about what happened to you," really warms the heart of the broken soul. It's never too late to acknowledge a loss like this, to offer a hug, or to just let the wounded know they are thought of, prayed for, and cared for. There were/are many people in my life that have never reached out to me, have never even acknowledged that something happened to me. Some of these people I see every single day. Interesting...

Another thing I wish people would realize is that I have a baby! I carried her in my body for 8 months. I gave birth to her. I cradled her in my arms. I am excited about her! I am proud of her! I would love to talk about her! It would be nice if people asked me what she looked like or how much she weighed or how long she was. But no one does. Her birth is not recognized by others because it coincided with her death. She is not really acknowledged at all. 

I know that most people probably think they are sparing me from pain by not bringing it up. I am in pain. That will not increase because you asked me about my baby. You will not remind me of her because I think about her every second of every day! It is difficult to have been so excited for her arrival, to have spoken with joy about her for so many months, and then to all of a sudden be sworn to silence. That's what her death feels like for me. I don't want her to be forgotten. I know I will never forget her! I wish that I could talk about her without making other people squirm. 

I am not crazy. I am not in denial. I am not awkward or inappropriate. I just love Daisy. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.