2014 was a roller coaster. It started out great! I was happy, healthy, and pregnant with the baby that would complete my family. Everything was going exactly how I planned. Life was perfect. And then July 12th came...the worst day of my life. It's frightening how one day, one event, can change every part of who you are for the rest of your life. Shortly after that Tyler got a new job that has been the biggest blessing we could've asked for and other parts of our life are starting to look up. I am entering 2015 with HOPE, faith, and lots of prayer.
It really got me thinking...reflecting on how I felt last year and how things are very different now.
This time last year I was about 6 weeks pregnant with Jaxon. I had known for a few weeks and I wasn't telling anyone (other than my husband of course.) I was terrified. We had wanted this baby and had been trying to conceive. I had had a chemical pregnancy in late September and so I was preparing myself for a miscarriage. I was not excited.
Now don't get me wrong, I was happy. I felt blessed. I was grateful. I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to have a baby. But "excited" is not a word I would use to describe my feelings about that pregnancy. Scared, worried, anxious, uncertain, guarded, protective...those words more accurately describe what I was feeling.
When I put myself back in that hazy, lonely place of grief, I am astounded on how far I have come. I am no longer living in a fog. I have learned how to manage my grief. I have been able to turn my loss into something positive. I have grown as a Christian, as a mother, as a wife.
Our family has grown this year to include the sweetest little bundle of joy wrapped up inside the most handsome little package! Jaxon has brought our family so much happiness. He is the perfect addition to our household. We are all thoroughly enjoying watching him grow each day.
Although 2015 began on shaky ground, I think that I'm starting 2016 with a firm stance. I am stronger, happier, and blessed. My heart is full. I will never go a single day without thinking of my precious Daisy but I know how richly the lord has blessed me and I praise Him for those blessings.
I am excited about 2016! I am ready for whatever it has to throw me. I am making family my absolute number one priority and nothing will come before them. I look forward to hugs and kisses, laughter and tears. Happy new year to you all! But remember it will only be as happy as you allow it to be.
Psalm 28:7, NLT The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
