Stress and Blessings

I am under a lot of pressure right now...at work, at home, as a mother, as a wife. I am doing so many things but none of them WELL! I am trying my best to keep my head above water.

At work we are prepping for the devil...um I mean the STAAR test. I am calling conferences with parents and I will begin tutorials next week. Since I am responsible for four STAAR tests I will be pulling kids 4 days a week. I will do this during my conference period. When the kids leave I will have a few minutes left to pump. (I am still breastfeeding.) I pump at lunch also while I'm eating and then I pull kids into my room for lunch detention. I have no breaks. I have no time. I am going going going all day. Then I race to get my kids which takes an hour round trip because they are 20 miles away. I get home and spend a few minutes with my kids. I attempt to cook. I don't clean. I bathe them and put them to bed in shifts. I pass out shortly after. Some days we have church or school projects to do as well. Tyler is never home..he has a lot going on at work right now and doesn't get home until late. And he's been guiding hunts on the weekends, so I'm by myself.  I am stressed!

In times of great stress like this I tend to just retreat slowly. I back away and then suddenly sprint in the other direction! I usually get inside my head and I can easily get down. Lately I have been having these aching feelings of missing Daisy. I see kids her age (how old she would be now) and it hurts. I know that I am in a place of vulnerability right now and so I have been pushing all thoughts of her out of my head and out of my heart. Well not so much pushing, as SHOVING to the ground and walking away. I don't want to sink my boat when I gave worked so hard to patch it up!

So we were at Wednesday night church last week and we sang the song, "Blessed be Your Name." The lyrics spoke to my heart. One of the verses goes like this:

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

When I heard that I thought, "Yes! My road is STILL marked with suffering. And I feel like Daisy was an offering in a way. There was (and is) great pain in giving her to Jesus. BUT no matter what I'm feeling or going through, The Lord's name is blessed! "

And then the next part goes like this: 

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

I hope that I praise the Lord every time he blesses me but I know I fail at that. I just want His light to shine through me! When I think of the blessings poured on me from God I think of Jaxon. I know I'm blessed in many other ways but MAN this kid is a big blessing! I thank God every day for this precious boy! 

We dedicated our children to God last Sunday and I couldn't help feeling incomplete standing in front of the church as a family. When I came home it was still bothering me and I prayed about it. I realized that I already gave Daisy to God and even though it wasn't my choice I gave her fully and with my whole heart, knowing that she was blessed.

Blessings come in all forms. They don't just come in happy times. My daughter is a blessing to me and to others who have learned from her beautiful limited life. Her light shines bright in my family. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 2 Corinthians 13:14

Listen to this awesome song here:
http://www.worshiptogether.com/songs/blessed-be-your-name/#