Love Lifted Me

People often tell me how strong I am and they say things like, "I don't know how you do it." People ask me how I get through it and I don't often know what to say. I don't think I deserve the credit. The only thing that has gotten me through the loss of my daughter is LOVE. 

I don't actually mean earthly love though. Even though I have received a lot of love and support from friends and my amazing family, it is not what got me through this. There is a song we sing in church that goes, "Love lifted me. Love lifted me. When nothing else would do, love lifted me." THAT is the love I'm referring to. God's love lifted me out of the depths of grief, anxiety, sadness, and depression. Even though I had a big earthly support system, it just "wouldn't do." I prayed while my daughter died. I prayed while I gave birth to her. I prayed on my knees in the days following her death. I prayed on the way to her funeral. God never failed me. When I needed extra strength, God gave it to me. When I was confused and needed peace, God delivered. When I was angry, God calmed me. 

When Daisy died, I was surrounded by people who love and support me. But there comes a time when people have to return to their own lives. I could not do that. My life would never be what it once was. When I returned home, my house felt empty. When I went out in public I felt raw, as though my skin had been peeled off and every one could see my wounds. When I received phone calls, I felt panicked that I would have to tell someone about what had happened to me. I had constant, debilitating anxiety for a long time. When I was at my weakest moment, though, and I had not one person with me 24/7 like I needed, God was there. He never left me. I could talk to God at any time and he always helped me. He eased my worries and calmed my heart. His love lifted me. His love carried me through those dark moments. 

I do not deserve the credit for being strong. God gave me that strength. If I credit myself with anything though, it is that I have faith and trust in God. It has not always been easy but I have chosen that path and have received a bounty of blessings because of it! Glory be to God for all of the wonderful things he has done in and with my life.