Social media

I think social media is a great thing when used appropriately. My generation started social media! I got a Facebook account mere months after it was started by Mark Zuckerburg. Since then I have been an active participant. I enjoy being able to keep up with long distance family members. It is awesome to stay in touch with people who were special to you at one time in your life but have drifted apart or moved away. I like being able to post something once and all my friends and family have access to it instead of spending time trying to tell everyone individually. In our fast paced world, it makes maintaining relationships so much easier. I have shared my ups and downs as a young adult on Facebook. One of my favorite things though has been chronicling my pregnancies with Facebook. I love looking back on belly photos and posts about swollen feet, overly helpful people, and sweet baby kicks...the wonders of pregnancy! 

But when my baby died I nestled myself inside a shell. I frantically checked Facebook for days after her death, panicking that someone might have posted that my daughter had died. For some reason I did not want to see this particular event on social media. I was feeling things that I had never felt before...things I didn't want anyone to see. I put on a brave face (still do!) and went on about my life without skipping a beat. I didn't know what else to do. I had another child to take care of...a child that had also fallen in love with our baby...a child who was excited to be a big sister. That had been taken away from her. It wasn't easy for any of us.

Fast forward a few months and we found out we were having another precious baby! We were happy that our prayers had been answered but we kept it to ourselves for awhile. I was terrified of losing this baby and I also felt very protective. I chose not to tell anyone for quite some time. Around 12 weeks it was becoming impossible to hide, physically, and I had to tell close friends, family, and work. It was very emotional and nerve wracking for me to tell people but it was also a huge relief! 

However, I was still feeling very protective and did not want to share on social media. One afternoon I went to visit a friend and after a long, productive talk, she reminded me of how great social media can be. She reminded me that social media can be a place for support and love. It can be a place for people to reach out when they don't know how else to do so. I began reflecting on Daisy's death and how even though I didn't post much of anything for awhile, I still gathered a ton of support through social media. I know that this child is something to be celebrated and I decided to share my pregnancy with the Facebook world when I was almost 20 weeks. We had found out that we are having a BOY this time around which we are really excited about. But more importantly we found out that I do not have vasa previa this time and that the baby is growing well and is seemingly healthy. I gather a lot of comfort in this knowledge but I am still guarding my heart. I am still worried that I won't be able to bring him home with me and I don't think that feeling will go away until he is officially in this house! Luckily I go to a maternal/fetal medicine specialist at Scott and White in Temple and am being closely monitored. I feel confident that my doctor wants to do everything he can to help me bring a baby home this time. I can't help but wish I had received this attention during my pregnancy with Daisy, but I can't change the past. All I can do is continue to look forward and take each day one step at a time!

Psalm 139:13-16  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.